Time To Take A Personal Inventory
According to the World Health Organization, one out of every three women will experience sexual abuse.1 If this statistic is not shocking and devastating to you, check to see if you have a pulse and/or a heart. All women deserve the right to safety and to live in peace without crimes done to them. However, this is not the world we live in. As if the criminal act of sexual abuse was not bad enough, lasting pain and wounds commonly linger throughout a woman’s life. Women who have experienced such horrific trauma need to take an inventory of what remains. This inventory should include struggles, trauma responses, and limitations.
Struggles will occur in the aftermath of sexual abuse, with many women walking wounded with scars they hope are invisible to everyone else. In her mind, those scars are hideous, and the pain is very real. Scars often permeate her body, soul, mind, and spirit. Women who join a Restoration: Beauty From Ashes group are often amazed when they realize that some of their current struggles, ailments, and pains are directly related to the abuse done to them. Making connections with other women who have experienced sexual abuse, while realizing the resulting similar struggles, is a significant component of the healing process. Restoration emphasizes the need to seek and know truth before healing can occur, which would include taking an inventory of her current struggles.
In addition, a personal inventory should include evaluating trauma responses. The typical trauma responses are Flight, Freeze, Fight, and Fawn. While some people assume that trauma responses are a person’s response in the moment of abuse, trauma responses can actually linger for a person’s entire life if no action to change is taken.
o A woman who experiences a FLIGHT response might run from her traumatic pain by becoming a workaholic, a perfectionist, or an overthinker. She might be consumed by anxiety, panic, obsessions, or compulsions.
o A woman who utilizes a FREEZE trauma response might have difficulty making decisions, might feel “stuck” in her current situation, while making no effort to leave or better herself. She might isolate from other people out of fear that they could uncover her story. She might even dissociate.
o A woman who utilizes a FIGHT trauma response could experience angry outbursts, seeking to control herself and everyone/everything around her. She might appear to be tough or a bully, while actually crying like a baby when no one else is around. Her explosive behavior not only hurts herself and her chances of personal and relational success, but could harm those around her, including her friends and family members, husband, or children.
o Finally, a woman who utilizes a FAWN trauma response might become a people pleaser, while not implementing boundaries for her own protection. She is a “yes” woman, overwhelming her with all the work necessary to please those around her. She finds what little happiness and success in life she can by assuring that others around her are “okay,” even at her own expense or detriment. She is codependent.
Finally, a woman who has experienced sexual abuse needs an inventory of her limitations. Perhaps she has lost deep connections and relationships as a result of the abuse done to her. Hopefully, she will recognize that she is not living to her full potential due to shame, fear, and anxiety. For me, a beautiful outcome of Restoration is observing women as they blossom into women who achieve great things, becoming all that God intended for them to be. I have observed women taking new jobs, going back to college, taking better care of their health, starting blogs and vlogs, starting new ministries, and many literally changing the trajectory of their marriage and family.
Please, if you are a one of the 30+% of women who has experienced sexual abuse, please take a personal inventory to see what struggles, trauma responses, and limitations you are experiencing. If your inventory is less than what you desire, please consider joining a Restoration: Beauty From Ashes group.
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For women who have experienced sexual abuse and who appear to be “doing life” while knowing they have many deep wounds, the Restoration: Beauty From Ashes program might be the help they need. It is not a replacement for professional licensed trauma therapy nor is it recommended for those who have experienced sexual abuse within the past year.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual abuse, I encourage you to check out the restorationbfa.org website. Perhaps, you may feel led to speak with your pastor or women’s ministry leader about offering a Restoration group at your church. If you are met with resistance or don’t have a church home, I encourage you to start a group on your own. All the resources that you need: books, videos, and a leader’s guide to help you get started are available on the website. If sexual abuse is your experience, please don’t suffer in silence; and if God breaks your heart for hurting people, be the one who speaks up and offers help and resources.
REFERENCE:
World Health Organization, “Violence Against Women,” who.int, September 13, 2024, www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women#:~:text=Estimates%20published%20by%20WHO%20indicate,sexual%20violence%20in%20their%20lifetime.