NOT Guilty
NOT GUILTY
Upon hearing the coveted phrase, “not guilty,” the defendant released a great sigh of relief. The defendant left the court room free to live a life with no shame and in complete peace.
While it might be easy for bystanders to declare a survivor of sexual abuse as not guilty, many survivors struggle with feelings of guilt and eventual shame, as they falsely find fault with themselves for the horrific crimes that were done to them.
Guilt occurs when someone has actually committed a crime or has done harm, resulting in an unsettling feeling and/or with a lawful sentencing. Sometimes, survivors will harbor false guilt for what someone else has done to them; even more so, when a perpetrator or family member shifts blame to the victim for the crime committed against them. Survivors might believe that they in fact hold some responsibility and guilt in the perversion done to them, often keeping them stuck in this emotional turmoil, limiting their ability to live an extraordinary life.
Mary Beth was date raped when she was in high school at a party by a very popular guy. She told him “no” many times over as she screamed in pain, but he would not stop the sexual assault. She stayed home from school the next few days by telling her mom that she was sick to her stomach, which was true, because she was overcome with guilt. Her mind swirled with reasons why she was to blame for the sexual abuse done to her, even though her reasoning was completely false. She was in no way guilty for what was done to her.
When Mary Beth returned to school, she could only hang her head in shame, especially when the abuser or any of his friends passed by. They all displayed a smug look on their faces, as if she had wanted or asked for the rape to occur. The feelings of guilt consumed Mary Beth, so she eventually convinced her parents to let her finish high school through an online format, in hopes she could begin to release the emotions of guilt and shame by NOT being reminded of them daily.
Mary Beth’s story is not an isolated incident. Many survivors carry a tremendous load of guilt, even though they hold no responsibility in the crime committed against them. are not to blame. If guilt is not released, it can easily lead to shame. This shift causes the person to believe they are worthless or useless, often resulting in a person self-harming.
The Restoration: Beauty From Ashes study clearly discusses the importance of truth because TRUTH MATTERS! Jesus taught both women and men in the temple that if they would follow Him and believe in Him, then they would know the truth and the truth would set them free (John 8:31-32, author’s paraphrase from the New Living Translation). After the people declare that they are not slaves to anyone but are in fact free as the descendants of Abraham Jesus responds in v.33-36, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave of sin. A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is a part of the family forever. So, if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.” (NLT)
So, for those of you who have read this blog to the very end, please know that if you know God’s truth of salvation and have accepted this eternal gift, then you are a child of God. YOU BELONG at His banquet table because YOU are part of the FAMILY of GOD. But so many of you, who continue to live in guilt and shame don’t pull up a chair to God’s table or partake of all that God offers you as His precious and loved children.
Please, stop living like a slave, a servant, or a guilty person that was permitted on the property but was not allowed to eat at the family table. Pull up a chair and live in freedom and joy at God’s table!
-------------------------
For women who have experienced sexual abuse and who appear to be “doing life” while knowing they have many deep wounds, the Restoration: Beauty From Ashes program might be the help they need. It is not a replacement for professional licensed trauma therapy nor is it recommended for those who have experienced sexual abuse within the past year.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual abuse, I encourage you to check out the restorationbfa.org website. Perhaps, you may feel led to speak with your pastor or women’s ministry leader about offering a Restoration group at your church. If you are met with resistance or don’t have a church home, I encourage you to start a group on your own. All the resources that you need: books, videos, and a leader’s guide to help you get started are available on the website. If sexual abuse is your experience, please don’t suffer in silence; and if God breaks your heart for hurting people, be the one who speaks up and offers help and resources.