Give It Back!
If you are a parent or a teacher, you’ve no doubt heard two kids in an argument, with one screaming or perhaps whining, “GIVE IT BACK!!!! MOM, MAKE HIM GIVE IT BACK!!!” Can you hear this in your head right now? I certainly can.
While it might be easy to hear this desperate cry in your head right now, perhaps we don’t hear the silent desperate cries of many women, “GIVE IT BACK!” What am I talking about?
Each of us will encounter hundreds of women in our lifetime who have had something very personal taken away, perhaps this is even you. I am not solely speaking about a horrendous sexual encounter, for a perpetrator takes away so much more. This criminal act will often take a woman’s innocence, her sense of safety, her worth, her direction or meaning in life, and even a sense of who she wants to be.
The truth is that sexual abuse leaves behind social, emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual scars. Many women who experience sexual abuse will endure great losses in life. Some will quickly move from a carefree childhood to always being on guard, while others will give up their sense of innocence in believing that all is well in the world to constantly wondering what awful thing will happen next.
In a natural response of repressing memories, many women will give up their memories, both good and bad, often leaving large gaps and perhaps years of no memories. Other women will forfeit their sense of safety, remaining on guard or hypervigilant, with some deciding to stay in the safety of their home. This will cause them to miss out on career advancements, recreation, or socialization. Some women will find it difficult to trust anyone, whether that be any man or even family members and people in authority who are supposed to protect them. If a woman experienced sexual abuse in high school, college, or in the workplace, she may suspend those opportunities, never to return.
I wrote the Restoration: Beauty From Ashes program many years ago for women who have experienced sexual abuse, who are hurting and are crying out in pain, “GIVE IT BACK!” So many of these women are “doing life” or are going through the motions, but they are truly hurting on the inside.
As a state licensed therapist and seminary grad, I wish that I could heal all their hurts and “Give It Back,” but I cannot. However, I believe in an amazing and all-powerful God that can bring healing and help to these precious hurting souls. I love the verse Hosea 2:14-15 (NLT) which states, “But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to Me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from captivity in Egypt.” This verse refers to the children of Israel, God’s chosen people, but I believe that this applies to us as well. I long to hear God’s voice speak tenderly to me, transforming me from my troubles to new life and hope!
How about you? Are you or a woman you care for hurting by having so much taken away as a result of sexual abuse? God promises to take care of you. He might lead you into the desert for a season, and perhaps He already has, but He will speak tenderly to you there and will restore you with HOPE and HEALING. So many women who have experienced this hope and healing through a Restoration group have shared with me how God spoke to them so tenderly and so specifically to their needs. Instead of shouting, “GIVE IT BACK,” ask God to restore you!
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For women who have experienced sexual abuse and who appear to be “doing life” while knowing they have many deep wounds, the Restoration: Beauty From Ashes program might be the help they need. It is not a replacement for professional licensed trauma therapy nor is it recommended for those who have experienced sexual abuse within the past year.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual abuse, I encourage you to check out the restorationbfa.org website. Perhaps, you may feel led to speak with your pastor or women’s ministry leader about offering a Restoration group at your church. If you are met with resistance or don’t have a church home, I encourage you to start a group on your own. All the resources that you need: books, videos, and a leader’s guide to help you get started are available on the website. If sexual abuse is your experience, please don’t suffer in silence; and if God breaks your heart for hurting people, be the one who speaks up and offers help and resources.