God calls me His Child

I would love to tell you that I had a wonderful childhood full of love and amazing experiences—full of princesses and tea parties, but that would not be the truth. My childhood was quite the opposite, as I experienced physical, emotional, spiritual, and sexual abuse. The incidents were many, and I felt like damaged goods.

As a child, I was confused and not parented well, despite my parents, stepparents, and extended family trying to raise me. My mom took me to professionals who diagnosed me with mental and physical disabilities that actually did not exist, because as I now realize, those symptoms were a result of the abuse done to me.  

As a teenager, changing schools, acting out with bad behavior, and trying to deny the abuse, didn’t change my overwhelming feelings of blame and shame, even though the multiple instances of abuse were not my fault.

As a young adult, I continued to deal with the aftermath of abuse by trying to numb the pain with alcohol and by seeking romantic relationships that would make me feel special and worthy. Both behaviors resulted in just the opposite, with more pain and feelings of worthlessness.  I chose some not so pretty names to call myself.

But God had a different plan for my life. He started changing me by bringing a wonderful man back into my life who respected me and loved me well. We eventually married and have been blessed with three amazing children.

Life started looking pretty good on the outside, but on the inside, I was still struggling from the abuse done to me. I brought so much baggage to our marriage, but my husband remained loving, giving, and loyal. He was the first person to actually show me how to have a relationship with Christ, rather than following the rules of religion. Over the next several years, I started a journey searching for extraordinary life in Christ. There were areas of my life that I still clung to, not willing to let go. I had so many dark and shameful secrets.

While attending church during the summer of 2022, I watched a video testimony from a woman who had attended a support and study group called Restoration: Beauty From Ashes. I couldn’t believe how such a young woman who had experienced similar abuse could be so bold in sharing what God had done in her life. I knew I wanted to experience this in my life, so I signed up that very day.

As I walked into the first group with other women who had experienced similar pain, it was obvious that God was offering me healing as well. I was shocked to feel so comfortable with no anxiety and no shame. I was ready to experience all that God had for me. We did not focus on the abuse itself, but we carefully examined what remained as a result of the abuse, and how God could change those ashes into something very beautiful.

I loved working in my journal both in group and at home. The home journalling took about an hour each week, which included diving into God’s Word. These intimate moments with God will be something I will always cherish. God clearly spoke to me through His Word, showing me how much He wanted to lovingly parent me by replacing my difficult childhood with His perfect peace and gentle guidance.

During group, I learned so much from the lesson and from the other women, especially about the aftermath of abuse and that I was not alone in my struggles. We encouraged each other so well. I would come home from group wanting to share with my husband some of the ways God was changing me. As a result, we grew closer together.

I stopped calling myself the old demeaning names and instead started seeing me as God did, calling myself “loved, bold, and courageous.” My heart broke with gladness when I heard God call me, “My Child.” God will always be my perfect, loving heavenly Father. Over the weeks, I could see my life changing, as I grew closer to God, to my husband, and to my children.

I clearly see how God used Restoration to bring healing to my life, putting me on a better path to being all that He has for me, as I seek extraordinary life in Him. If there is a woman out there who has ever lived in shame or blamed herself for the things that were done to her, I would tell her that sexual abuse is never her fault, but that it is easy to stay stuck in a difficult place because of it. I truly hope that she will find courage to participate in the Restoration study and experience God’s healing in her life, trusting that God that has a far better plan for her.

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* If you are a woman and sexual abuse (at any age) is part of your story, know that the Restoration: Beauty From Ashes ministry is here to support you. Check out the Resource Center to learn about the Restoration workbook and how to access the teaching videos.

*Did you know that you can start a Restoration: Beauty From Ashes group in your community? Check out the FAQs page for more information.