The Importance of Community & Friendship in the Healing Process
C.S. Lewis once said, “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .’”
Survivors of sexual abuse often encounter re-traumatization by the hurtful words spoken by family and friends in response to the abuse. Most survivors will endure seasons of hurt, extreme loneliness, or isolation when people distance themselves from the victim. Perhaps this is unintentional when loved ones do not know what to say or how to respond to the traumatic event(s) or to the victim’s needs. Appallingly, some victims will be outcast from their church, employment, or community by reporting the criminal actions of the abuser who was once a loved and admired friend and/or leader to many. Feeling rejected by their community and friends often leaves survivors feeling vulnerable, deeply wounded, and helpless.
Survivors experience painful repercussions beyond the initial pain of abuse. They most likely will experience isolation, hurt, along with a yearning for meaningful relationships. God created all people in His image to experience thriving and abiding relationships, but this gift is often taken away in the aftermath of sexual abuse.
Many women who attend a Restoration: Beauty From Ashes study and support group will immediately experience relief that their story, including the lingering struggles, is not unique. Learning that sexual abuse results in significant wounds to a person’s physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual life will bring enlightenment and relief that her feelings are valid. What she is experiencing are the typical symptoms of abuse. Wounds from sexual abuse can last for ten, twenty, thirty, or more years unless they are recognized, reformed, and restored. Knowing that she is not the only one who has experienced this horrific crime done to her, along with the recognition of the lingering struggles can often be the stimulus for change and improvement. Hearing a long list of potential struggles resulting from sexual abuse brings calm to a woman by validating her struggles, releasing her from confusion and guilt of believing these were “just in her head.”
Restoration: Beauty From Ashes is unique as it emphasizes the need for community. Strength in numbers or validation of events, symptoms, and emotions brings understanding, calm, and peace. Sharing effective strategies from a trauma-informed therapeutic perspective along with an application of God’s ever-present love, care, and healing will bring about a desired change. Strong codes of confidentiality are enforced so that all women who attend can feel free to share their struggles, as they lean on other survivors for support and understanding.
Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10, and 12 (NLT) perfectly summarizes the importance of community when it states, “Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But people who are alone when they fall are in real trouble. A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”
Restoration: Beauty From Ashes provides the materials to bring together survivors of sexual abuse in a loving community that will bring clarity, change, and the strength to heal and succeed. Experiencing community helps in creating safety, affirmation, and the healing that survivors of sexual abuse desire.
1 Lewis, C. S.. The four loves. New York: Mariner Books, 2012. Text.
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For women who have experienced sexual abuse and who appear to be “doing life” while knowing they have many deep wounds, the Restoration: Beauty From Ashes program might be the help they need. It is not a replacement for professional licensed trauma therapy nor is it recommended for those who have experienced sexual abuse within the past year.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual abuse, I encourage you to check out the restorationbfa.org website. Perhaps, you may feel led to speak with your pastor or women’s ministry leader about offering a Restoration group at your church. If you are met with resistance or don’t have a church home, I encourage you to start a group on your own. All the resources that you need: books, videos, and a leader’s guide to help you get started are available on the website. If sexual abuse is your experience, please don’t suffer in silence; and if God breaks your heart for hurting people, be the one who speaks up and offers help and resources.